With all the chaos that is me, I’ve been struggling to find the time just to be…especially to just be a dad. My boys have been after me for months to get a fishing license. I looked back on all the times I went fishing with my dad, and remembered the good and the bad. But, Dad always took the time out to fish…which he still does today, only now without me since we live on opposite ends of the continent.

Looking back it was those fishing trips, a handful of camping trips, and a couple hunting expeditions which made up the only quality time I had alone with my dad as a boy.

Now looking forward I see two little boys who will one day be men. My oldest just turned 9…I’ve already flown through 1/2 of his life with me (unless he is like my brother and lives with the folks well into his 20’s.) If Christ tarries, I only have 9 more years to really pour into Joshua the love and respect that he needs from me.

So this last weekend I took out a night and a day to camp with Josh at his Cub Scout family camp. Monica and the two younger children slept in our family tent, but Josh wanted to sleep in an old canvas Scout tent that looked like hand me downs from World War I. So he and I shared a tent in 40 degree damp weather, with a breeze blowing through the flaps and under the pallet. The next morning the outside of our sleeping bags were wet from the condensation.

After breakfast the boys and I went fishing for a couple hours. Both boys were tired of it after 20 minutes. The boys quarreled and fussed. We hiked a little, ate lunch, hiked a bit more, then loaded up and came home so I could preach that evening at a local African-American congregation.

Finally, just before 11 that Saturday night, we put the kids to bed. After the long night and day Josh only wanted to know one thing…”When can we do it again Dad?” It was then that I realized that I’d hit a home run that day. I was worn out and exhausted, but we had made a memory…something that Josh may someday look back on in order to look forward for his own children.

As a pastor I am always looking back to look forward. I look to previous pastors and their ministries. I look to previous problems and their solutions. I look back and I see what could have been so I can see what should become, even as I look to what was to see what will be.

Ultimately I look back to Christ, the author and finisher of my faith so I may look forward to Christ the coming King. I look back to the Church of Acts to look forward to the Church of action.

I look back to look forward, and I’m surprised to see both the good and the bad repeating themselves…but ultimately the good is what I look forward to the most.

In Him,

.rJ .B llerraDDarrell B. Jr.