Lately I’ve been on perhaps the most difficult journey of my ministry, and it hasn’t been what I imagined the most difficult journey would be. I always thought the hard parts were building campaigns, church splits and new plants, but now I’ve become uncomfortably aware that all of these things are not really the hardest spots on this trek.

The hardest thing I have ever had to face in my ministry is when I and the congregation look in the mirror and see ourselves for who we truly are. Instead of hungering and thirsting after righteousness we hunger and thirst for programs that produce statistical growth. Instead of seeking first the Kingdom we seek first our own well being and hope the Kingdom will be added unto us. I spend 6 to 8 hours a week preparing for my sermons but spend only 3 to 4 hours a week preparing for God’s presence.

The alcoholic that comes through our doors leaves with a hug, a handshake and an invitation to a Christian 12 step program.

The cancer patient leaves with the odor of anointing oil and a promise we will continue to pray for them while they go through treatment.

The bound leave believing God helps those who help themselves, and the sick leave believing God will help them endure.

Something is wrong with this…and that something is me. I’ve been so wrapped up in growing a church that I haven’t been effectively bringing people into the Holy of Holies. I’ve been so afraid of wild fire that I’ve thrown water on the embers. I’ve been so focused on pleasing my superiors that I’ve neglected the Superior.

It’s been all about I, I, I…but that has to stop. Somehow this church, and all of our churches have to get back to being about HIM, HIM, HIM. The only way that happens is if it begins in me.

Yesterday I entered into covenant with ministers from a handful of churches. Four of those ministers were from my own denomination. Our covenant was to earnestly seek the face of God together, trusting in God’s divine guidance to lead us (and our congregations) to where He has always intended for us to be, and maintaining an expectant hope for what God will do as we welcome Him to be Lord of our lives, congregations, communities and region. Churches with 3000 members and churches with 30 members agreed together to stop trying to do the work of God for Him, and simply let Him do His work through us however He wants to do it.

As a result we will be fasting and praying together for 21 days after the first of the year. For this period of time we will be letting go of many of our programs, and instead taking time twice a day to pray corporately. We have felt convicted that most of our outreach has been ineffective at reaching the “lost” because the “found” are not dealing with their own stuff. How can we offer deliverance when we ourselves are bound up? We believe that this 21 day process, known as the “Divine Experiment” will help our churches to begin dealing with the spiritual matters of the heart which elude us in our post modern lifestyles. We then believe that as we maintain our covenant together that God will begin to birth new plans, and even renovate old programs, to help us reap the ever growing harvest.

So now I find myself parking the activity side of my missional model, and focusing on preparing myself for the presence of God. Having heard of a handful of other American communities who are also on this trek, I know that we are not alone in this process. Having heard of their struggles along the way, I also know this is probably the most difficult journey for the American church, perhaps even the Western church as a whole.

As a result of this journey, and since this blog has become an outflow of my heart, I am sure that the topics expressed over the next several months will be different in substance than my previous posts. I hope that you will wish me well on this journey, and that you might even check back in from time to time just to see what God is doing.

In Him,

Darrell Buttram, Jr.